MELONCHOLY MOOD
Got a little easy @ 2:49 p.m.
on 2003-11-12
I woke up this morning and put on my granny-panties. This is weird because I haven’t been wearing underwear lately, but with Aunt Flo on the way, better safe than sorry. I’m so ready to get this over with, I have had about a months worth of PMS symptoms now, and no I’m definitely not pregnant. Due to taking the Depo Provera shot, I haven’t had a period in over two years, so I guess my body’s trying to make up for lost cramps.
Right now I feel like one of my kidneys is dying, which would really suck.
"Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon, how’s that thought for you?"
Looking at my own profile, I realize that it’s so not representative of me. I don’t think I’d read me based on my own profile.
Oh crap, I just had a major mood swing listening to Tori Amos.
"I got the Antichrist in the kitchen yelling at me again, Yeah I can hear."
Since my trip to Dallas didn’t go through, that damn Vegan’s phone was turned off, I’m planning on visiting my parent’s tomorrow. Joe has off Thurs and Fri, so we can make an overnight trip. They’ll appreciate it since we’re doing Thanksgiving with his family.
My family is the kind that likes each other best when we’re at least an hour’s distance apart. Too much time in the same place, and we self-destruct. I have been making the effort to be nicer and more tolerant, though. Several small trips work best, instead of long, arduous ones where I end up wanting to rip the head off my mom like an old Barbie doll.
I’m reminded of a Seinfeld episode where George’s fiancé, Susan, had a doll that looked like George’s mom, and at the end of the episode his dad sees the doll, starts yelling at it, and rips the head off.
Ah, good times.
I’m trying to make peace with my mom in my own mind, and forgive her for all the shit she put me through. I won’t go into detail, because I’m trying to forgive and forget, but I was one angry kitty for about a decade. I feel too old for teen angst, and don’t think I’m maladjusted enough to require therapy, so it’s all up to me to mend fences and rebuild some bridges. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust her, but I can be polite and non-offensive if I really really really really try.
"Yes I know what you think of me, you never shut up."
Oh Tori, you always understood me. Now it’s Joe’s turn, he has no idea what a psycho mind-fucking family he’s getting into. This should be interesting.
"Everybody’s looking at you, you take hold of my hand."