MY LIFE IS A TOM CLANCY NOVEL
Got a little easy @ 1:09 p.m.
on 2004-06-22
So the X and my old neighbor, now his, show up on my doorstep late Sunday night. He's obviously upset and begins questioning me about events and timeframes of our last four years together.
I am stunned and confused and refuse to answer anything. If you show up, after driving 3 hours just to see my reaction, you can bet I'm not going to give you one. Momma don't play nice when backed into a corner.
The game was..."I'm gonna ask you a bunch of confusing questions to try to trap you in a lie, leave, then return 30 minutes later with extremely vague self-righetous answers."
HuH? You may say...yeah, me too.
Example: He wouldn't say who his sources were (what is he, the Daily Planet?), but he 'knows' that I went home with a guy two weeks ago.
Um...was the guy my roommate? Cause I go home with him a lot. In fact, every time we're out together....cause we share the same address! I've never gone home with a guy since I've moved up here....I'm not nineteen and get tipsy off half a beer and swoon when a guy gives me attention. I'm a fucking fabulous 25 year old woman that can hold her liquor and always leaves with the party I came with. I know better than to get myself kidnapped or raped.
And the other juicy tidbit of my life he couldn't wait to share with me...that I'd slept with a guy two weeks after moving up here in March.
Do the math dearies, I moved March 29th. The first month I lived here (April) Joe with either up here with me, or I was down with him on the weekends. Really, I checked my calendar. My roommate and I added it up, and we're both still confused.
You'd better check the grassy knoll, Joe, I think Deep Throat's been feeding you some bogus info.
Funny thing, I would've never thought him a conspiracy theorist.
So, one all-nighter drive for conflict and a nasty email later (I would love to post it just for kicks, but won't out of respect, he's really not that big of a douche, just being manipulated by someone else I believe) and that's where we stand.
It's not a good place. I guess my dream of a 'good breakup' has been shattered.
But I'm not mad, what was said and done in the past isn't going to change the fact our relationship was falling apart. I was unhappy and he was blind to that, no matter how many times I voiced it. He's looking to place blame, which I understand, but I'm not going to grovel for any kind of forgiveness so he can reject me. I have to protect myself. I still love him and don't want him to hurt (that's what hurts me most) but I refuse to become a target.
I hate the way things are between us right now. I was watching the Aqua Teen Hunger Force last night and picked up the phone to dial his number out of habit. And it hurt that I had to stop myself from doing something that I did for months, talk to him before I went to bed while watching Adult Swim.
I'm supposed to go Friday to pick up my things, I hope he's calmed down by then. When I'm being berated I always put that wall up and don't let anything in that will hurt me. This forces me to shut out anything and everyone.
I hate-hate-hate the way things are between us right now.